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出格
译制
为什么我们吃个饭还要排队啊? Why are we waiting in line for food?
是快闪餐厅哦 It's a pop-up.
这个快闪餐厅每年才来我们太阳系- It's a rare, pop-up restaurant thing that only enters our solar system --
瑞克 Rick.
你现在吃的话等下就没胃口了啊 You're gonna spoil your appetite.
你的意思是吃东西能治肚子饿吗? That's a weird way to say I'm gonna stop being hungry by eating food
你爱怎么说怎么说 but whatever.
三个烧烤 四个刺身 Three crispy, uh, four wiggling.
我觉得你根本就不饿 You're probably not even hungry.
你就是不喜欢排队 因为你太以自我为中心了 You just don't like lines because they aren't about you.
我这是尊重自己 不知道你为什么说话这么冲 Another weirdly aggressive way to describe a friend respecting themselves.
你可太会说话了! What a wonderful thing to say!
哈哈!我跟你学的呢!你嘴巴也很甜! Ha ha! I was merely inspired by the wonderful thing you said!
两位? Sirs? Guys?
你们不小心掉了一个 You dropped this.
请留下吧 就当做是我们的谢礼 Please, take it as a reward.
你素质真高! So courteous!
你排队排了这么久 How nice it will be for you to eat
能提前吃到岂不是很好? what you were willing to stand in line for so much sooner.
哎呀 不用啦 Oh, no, that's okay.
我本来就做好了排队再吃的打算 I came to stand in line and then eat.
所以真的不用啦 I-I wouldn't wanna do it differently.
我决定将我的宝剑交付与你 Dear fellow, I choose this moment to surrender my sword
你将继承我太阳骑士的宝座 so that you may succeed me as the newest Knight of the Sun.
什么?才不要 What? No.
我连你的三明治都不想要 I-I-I didn't even want your sandwich.
怎么会想要你的宝剑? I don't want your sword.
孩子 相信我 Oh, believe me, son.
不收下你会后悔的 You want it.
我有点迷糊了 I don't understand.
是骑马的那个骑士对吗? You're knights? With a "K"?
太阳是天上的太阳 不是说我太young对吧? Of the Sun with a "U" or -- or an "O"?
请不要用地球的语言来理解我们 Your alphabet is of no concern here.
我们是太阳神赫利俄斯的守护者 We are sworn defenders of Helios,
太阳神是太阳系的中心 the center of this system.
所以说真的是天上的太阳 Okay, so it's "Sun" with a "U."
我去 莫蒂 不要接过他们的宝剑 Oh, God. Morty, don't take the sword.
瑞克 竟然还有你觉得不能做的事 Oh, I'm shocked you're against something, Rick.
你认识他们吗? You know these guys?
你看看它们的打扮 听听他们说的话 I know how they're dressed and how boring this sounds.
你一旦接受宝剑 就会被卷入各种乱七八糟- You take that sword, you're gonna get sucked into a whole complicated --
我操! Oh, shit!
来嘛 收下嘛 Come on, take it.
这个小朋友如果不想要的话- Uh... I mean, if that kid's not gonna take the sword...
他又不是问你想不想要 He didn't offer it to you.
我可以问几个问题吗? Sorry. Can I just ask some stuff?
太阳骑士是干什么的? W-What does a Knight of the Sun do?
首先呢 太阳骑士会接过这把剑 He takes the sword, for one thing.
我觉得你选错人了 You know what? Maybe you made a bad call.
他根本不想要这把剑 He -- He doesn't want the sword.
我可没说我不想要 I didn't say that.
那你倒是收下啊 Well, you sure aren't taking it.
换做是你的话你愿意- Would you just take a random --
愿意啊!我还真收下过! Obviously I would, yes! And I did!
是我这辈子做过最好的决定 Best decision of my life!
竟然被你看不起! And you're shitting on it!
打扰一下哈 这把剑不要钱的吗? Excuse me? Is this just a free sword?
死开! No!
我决定收下这把剑 I'm taking the sword.
谢谢你 Thank you, Dawnling.
你叫什么? What is your name?
莫蒂 Morty.
现在你就是莫达尼尔爵士 Now it is Sir Mortaniel.
很骑士风的名字对吧? I made it a little knightier.
祝你好运 Good day.
等下 他是自- Wait, did he just --
我操 莫蒂 你把剑收下了? God damn it, Morty! You took the sword?
你也太无趣了吧! So boring!
你还不是一样? Oh, like you're not at this point?
你个暴躁老逼酒鬼! You drunk cranky fuck!
你们怎么还在排队啊? You guys still gonna stand in line?
把这些三明治拿去吃不就好了? Y-You're not gonna take this food?
我们是收了快闪店钱的排队群演 The pop-up pays us to stand here.
这样搞生意会好很多 To drive up business.
我就知道 Knew it.
瑞克与莫蒂
翻译：出格
大家伙! Everyone!
这位是赫利俄斯爵士的继任者莫达尼尔爵士 Sir Helios' successor, Sir Mortaniel!
莫达尼尔爵士面朝日光 Sir Mortaniel, face so bright
用他的力量来守护太阳 Serves the Sun with strength and might
莫达尼尔爵士快来看看 Sir Mortaniel, come and see
太阳之上真是精彩绚烂 Just what the Sun provides for thee
哇哦 专门为我写的歌 Wow, my -- my own song!
现在你知道赫利俄斯爵士为什么给你改名了吧 Now you know why Sir Helios had to change your name
音节多点容易唱 to something with three syllables.
欢迎来到太阳! Welcome, Dawnling, to the Sun!
所以真的是太阳吗?地球围着转的那个太阳? So it is the Sun, like Earth's sun?
啊哈 他听过我们耶! Ah-ha, he's heard of us!
为什么我没被烤焦呢? How come I'm not, like, burning to a crisp?
我们的力量保护着你呢 You are currently protected by our powers,
但很快你就会拥有自己的力量了 but soon they will be yours.
我们刀枪不入 Our flesh is indestructible!
我们长生不老 Our lives are never-ending,
但不是像吸血鬼那样 but not even in the dumb vampire way
他们想死却死不了 where after a while you hate it and you can't die.
我们随时随地都能死 We can die whenever we want.
不过是想不想的问题罢了 We just don't have to.
但是来这里之后就不准离开了对吗? But you're not allowed to leave, right?
我是不是以后再也不能和家人团聚了? L-Like, I'll -- I'll -- I'll never see my family again?
可以离开啊! We leave constantly!
你在小行星上遇见我的啊 I met you on an asteroid.
对哦 Oh, yeah.
说实话 不能离开也没关系 Between us, that wasn't a deal breaker,
不过有得选更好 but it's even better that there's options.
在这里你将拥有各种意想不到的自由 You'll have more freedom than you've ever known.
陛下 Our king.
太阳是太阳系的中心 The Sun is the center of the solar system.
也是太阳权杖的归属地 It is the home of the solar Scepter
各个宇宙围绕着太阳权杖运转 around which all worlds revolve.
太阳的守护者被世人称赞 被尊为神 The men who keep it safe are admired by all and live as gods.
还有什么问题吗? Any more questions?
有 我在哪里签字啊? Uh, yeah, where do I sign?
乌拉! Huzzah!
没问题 Well, that does it.
一起去城墙上进行仪式吧 Off to the parapet to make this official.
太好了 咱们出发吧 Yeah, let's do this.
现在请割掉阴茎 然后扔向太阳 Now just cut off your penises and throw them into the Sun.
这样啊 Oooooooookey-dokey.
莫达尼尔爵士想第一个来 I see Mortaniel wants to go first.
呃 才不是 Uh, not true.
有什么地方可以扔宝剑吗? Do I just leave the sword wherever?
你们有宝剑垃圾箱吗? I-Is there a sword bin?
你这是什么话?你不想割- What are you saying? You don't want to cut off --
你们听我说 我们能不能不要- Listen, guys, c-can we not --
我们做出这么点牺牲 忍受一下疼痛 It's a terrific and painful sacrifice we all make
是为了成就整个宇宙的大业 for the most important and powerful job in the universe.
这是我们自古以来的传统 We've done it since the dawn of dawns.
竟然还印在了花窗玻璃上 Yep. There it is in stained glass.
真是太官方了 It's official.
我没有要说三道四的意思 A-And I'm not judging it.
但是我拒绝自我阉割 And I'm not doing it.
竟然真的有人住 People really live here?
这也行?我还以为只是说说而已 This is nuts. I thought it was a metaphor.
快带我走 We have to go.
我去 他们这么认真的吗? Ah. Boy. They're not messing around, huh?
为什么你没烧起来? How are you not burning?
科学而已 Oh, it's just science,
不过估计你们这也没人关心科学 which, unless I'm misinterpreting, is clearly not a priority here.
小兔崽子 快过来 Okay, c'mon, lil' June bug.
这次我就不为难你了 I-I won't rub your face in this one.
估计你自己也羞愧难当 I-I'm guessing you're feeling pretty stupid.
是的 太谢谢了 Yes. Thank you.
赫利俄斯爵士用生命把宝剑交付与你 Sir Helios gave his life with that sword.
莫达尼尔亲手收下 Mortaniel took it.
他要想走的话 先打败我再说 He cannot leave unless he bests me in combat.
哼 行吧 等下 Hmm. Okay, uh, one sec.
这里的人好像接近长生不死的状态 I'm guessing these guys are, like, pseudo-immortalish
毕竟他们住太阳上 since they live on the Sun
还是听他们的为好 so playing by their rules
可能这样脱身反倒快一些 might be the fastest way out of this.
打败他就好了 J-Just best him in combat.
啥? What?
拿去 Here.
这把剑通过人工智能学习对手的攻击招式 This sword uses A.I. to learn from an opponent's attacks.
那我岂不是要先被攻击才行? So I have to get attacked first?
不用 不用 这把剑看过《刀锋战士》了 No, no, no, the sword has already seen "Blade."
并且还特喜欢 And loved it.
你不会有事的 You'll be fine.
好了 总算完了 Okay, so we're done here.
等下 还没完 No. We're not done.
是我完了 I am done.
你现在是太阳之王了 You are now king of the Sun.
请务必守护好权杖 Protect the Scepter always.
不要 不要 不要啊 我才不想- No, no, no, no, I don't want to-
这是怎么回事? Well, how is that supposed to work?
他骑士都没当 就直接晋升国王了? He's king, but he was never even a knight.
这也可以吗? I mean, that's stupid.
的确是-有日以来第一次 Uh, it's -- it's definitely a... Sun first.
长着阴茎的国王? A king with a penis?
你想让我咋样啊? Well, what do you want from me?!
莫达尼尔国王万岁! All hail King Mortaniel!
呃 朕决定- Uhhhhh, as your king,
给自己放个假 I hereby declare a vacation, for me.
朕会在某日来看望各位子民 I'll come visit you guys, on, like, Sun Day...
周日 Sundays.
朕要是忘记的话 你们就再等一周 If I forget, just wait a week.
依此类推 Keep doing that
皇冠就留在这了 keep the crown
拜拜 Peace.
我去 Hell yeah.
看到了吧? 刀锋战士大战吸血鬼迪肯·弗的剑法 See? That's from when he's fighting Deacon Frost.
我觉得还挺炫酷的 I don't know. Um, I-I thought it was cool.
那个… Okay. So...
那个? So? Oh.
你把我拉到一个假餐馆 So, you dragged me to a fake restaurant,
因为我不顺你的意就吼我 yelled at me for not doing what you wanted,
在我警告过之后还一意孤行 then did something I told you not to,
差点丢了小鸡鸡 and it almost cost you your pud
还好我救了你一命 but I saved your life
现在你正等着被我大骂一顿 and now you're waiting for me to make you feel like shit about it.
对-你说得很对 That's -- Yeah, you nailed it.
莫蒂 没想到我在你眼里这么不堪 Morty, I'm sorry I let your opinion of me get this low.
行了 我明白了 All right, I get it.
我没有在说教 There's nothing to get.
我是在说真心话 I'm for real.
我是酒鬼 是变态 是杀人犯 但是- Look, I'm a drunk, I'm a psychopath, I'm a murderer, but...
你说我无趣- when you called me boring...
对不起 I shouldn't have.
…真的醍醐灌顶 ...I needed to hear it.
你收下了宝剑 And you took the stupid sword
我心想 我去 我在他眼里这么不堪吗? and I was like, "Holy crap, this is who I am to this kid?
以至于他偏要跟我对着干 He just does the opposite of my advice now.
我得想想办法 I mean, I-I gotta fix that."
所以我决定将我对你的友好度提升22% So I'm gonna be, like, 22% more agreeable with you for, like,
大概会持续一集 或者一个冒险的时间 maybe one episode, or one adventure.
咱们先看看再说 We'll see how it goes.
22%很多吗? Is 22% a lot?
我要是告诉你和你在一起的时候 Well, I-I'm not gonna tell you what percentage of our time together
我有多少时间特别烦你的话 I'm usually mean to you
你的玻璃心怕不是要碎一地 because it'll hurt your stupid feelings,
但是22%算是很多了 but 22% is substantial.
你会感受到不同的 You're gonna feel the difference.
行吧 谢谢你了 Okay. I mean, I-I appreciate it.
你是该谢我 因为你又闯了大祸了 You should, because you made a real mess with these guys.
我去! Oh, man!
-陛下 -你不要走啊 -Sire. -You can't leave.
死开啊! Go away!
陛下 我们会跟随你到太阳落山 My king, it is our duty to follow you till the sun sets on our watch.
太阳昨天落山了 你们可以走了 拜拜 I mean, it set yesterday, so you're done. Bye.
陛下 太阳上可是日不落帝国 Sire, the sun never sets on the Sun.
你能帮我甩掉他们吗? Can you get rid of them?
你想让我… You want me to...
呃… Well...
你们知道他能杀掉你们对吧? You guys know he can kill you, right?
陛下 我觉得他轻易干不掉我们 I think he'd find that quite difficult, sire,
但您高兴的话我愿意 but if it pleases you.
那你们滚远点我最高兴 Can't I just tell you it pleases me for you to go away?
不行 No. Not really.
所以你们宁愿死也不愿意放过我? So you'd rather die than leave me alone?
是的! Yes!
孔雀愿为国王拔毛 A pheasant plucked for my good king
鸟儿愿为您唱歌谣 A merry jig, sweet songbirds sing
他们住在我们的太阳上? These guys live on our sun?
我怎么没听过他们? I've never heard of them.
毕竟他们也没干过什么星际知名的事 I don't see them doing a lot to earn interplanetary fame.
男巫 你竟敢出言不逊 I beg your pardon, wizard.
太阳骑士保护太阳权杖 The Knights of the Sun protect the solar Scepter...
包括地球在内的各星球围绕权杖运转 around which even this world turns.
你是在打比方对吧? You do mean that, like, symbolically, right?
不是 我说真的 Oh, quite literally.
权杖是太阳系的中心 The Scepter is the center of the solar system.
所有星球绕着权杖运转 All planets orbit it.
我们把权杖留在太阳上 We keep it on the Sun so that
是为了防止木星和土星相撞 Jupiter and Saturn don't bump into each other.
我去 他们连小学科学都不懂 Omigod. They don't even know sixth grade science.
有了! That's it!
太阳:引力质量
木星
土星
天王星
火星
地球
海王星
冥王星
水星
金星
你们看吧 Yeah, so there you have it.
传统算个屁 Traditions suck ass,
水星
金星
你们作为根基的信念就是一坨狗屎 and your most foundational beliefs are total bullshit.
我们凭什么信你说的话? We're supposed to take your word for it?
画圈圈标数字谁不会啊? Anyone can draw circles on a board and spout numbers.
陛下 您的理论的确挺有意思 Yes, this sounds like a fun theory, sire,
但是还不足以让我们就此放弃- but it would take more than this for us to give up --
所以你们的理论是什么? Okay, so how do you guys think it works again?
权杖- Well, the Scepter-
就是这个老旧玩意儿? Oh, you mean this old thing?
你们想要? You want it?
拿去 带回家去 Here. Take it back home.
权杖不过是一个符号 是你们的文化罢了 It's a symbol. It's your culture.
而现实是另一回事 That's not the same as reality.
所以我们剁屌岂不是毫无意义 Does this mean we cut off our penises for absolutely no reason?
这是坏消息 That's the bad news.
但好消息是 你们自由啦 The good news is, you're free.
-好心痛 -去他娘的骑士 -Ooh, that stings. -Fuck this knights shit.
我有个问题 A query?
我刚用你的"电脑手机"搜索了"绝望"这个词 I just used your "computer phone" to search "despair."
所以哪里能买"海洛因"? Where can I get this "heroin"?
我才不会告诉你呢 I'm not telling you that.
那行吧 我看歌词里写得好像随处都能买到 No matter. I'm seeing from most of your song lyrics that I can get it anywhere.
大家看这里 这个小伙子用批判性思维 Um, you guys, someone just used critical thinking
和基础物理学摧毁了他们的宗教 and basic physics to destroy their first entire religion.
-厉害 -干得漂亮 莫蒂 -Nice. -Good job, Morty.
以后岂不是没有随行合唱团了? So no more sun-tourage?
是的 没有了 Yep. All done.
再就是瑞克和我学会了如何更好地支持彼此 Plus, Rick and I both learned to support each other better.
所以这件事就告一段落了 So that's it. We're done.
好像高兴得太早了 不过的确告一段落了 Feels early, but w-we're done.
怎么回事? What's happening?
怎么我碰都没碰电器就坏了? Appliances are breaking that I haven't touched.
会不会是太阳在…庆祝? Maybe the sun is... celebrating?
哈哈哈哈!月球之子们倾巢出动 Ha ha ha ha! The Sons of the Moon are storming the walkway.
但不要紧 Doesn't matter.
他们的侵略行为将受到一系列星际条约和联盟的制约 Their aggression will be kept in check by a host of interplanetary treaties and alliances.
说起来很复杂 It's very complicated
但只要太阳骑士们众志成城 but as long as The Knights of the Sun stand together
太阳系的政治生态将保持稳定 the solar system will always have complete political stability.
话说 太阳骑士们去哪了? Where are the Knights of the Sun, by the way?
我刚拉完屎 I'm done pooping.
嗯? Hmm?
太阳之子们难道- Did the, uh, Knights of the Sun...
在我拉屎的时候解散了? disband? While I was pooping?
日 真尴尬 Sunnnn-kward.
中立缓冲区
太阳系里难道各个星球上都住着这些傻逼吗? How many planets in our solar system have these clowns?
如果太阳上都有生命的话 那估计每个星球上都有 I guess if the sun can support life, any planet can.
说不定我们拥有同一群祖先呢 I mean, maybe we all descended from a common ancestor.
我还以为你去过所有宇宙 Haven't you seen, like, all of the universes?
对啊 所以冥王星什么的入不了我眼 Exactly. So why would I hang out on Pluto?
那都是杰瑞才看得上的 That's some Jerry-league shit.
如果月球之子们能攻击太阳 If the Sons of the Moon can attack the sun,
那金星子爵们为什么还要忍受土星的压迫? why should the Viscounts of Venus continue sitting in Saturn's shadow?
你们胡说八道! How's this for a reason?
我们土星有的是行星环和卫星 We got all the rings and all the balls.
-干你全家啊 -什么啊? -Oh, fuck you. -Really?
如果你们不尊重土星和金星间的缓和关系 If the Saturno Venusian détente is no longer honored,
那我就宣布你们全部是木星的卫星 I declare you all moons of Jupiter.
因为你们只配做卫星! Because that's what you are to us! A bunch of moons!
太阳骑士团到底准不准备保护水星啊? Do the Knights of the Sun plan to protect Mercury from this chaos?
因为我们要是只能靠自己的话 Because if we're on our own,
那你们就等着见证新的小型恒星吧 there's a new, very tiny sun in town.
就交给你了 It's all you, pal.
呃 大家好? Um, hello?
你们开月球之子会议 我有发言权吗? Don't I have, like, authority over this Sons of the Moon meeting?
视情况而定 并且你他妈谁啊? That all depends. Who the hell are you?
他是太阳之王 This guy's the king of the Sun.
-我操 -什么时候的事啊? -Holy shit. -When did this happen?
那你赶紧让你的骑士们行动起来啊 Ha! Then tell your knights to do their jobs.
对啊 陛下 Yes, Your Majesty.
大家都知道太阳的力量与你的骑士们同生共死 We all know the Sun's power lives and dies with your knights.
你谁啊? Who are you?
我谁-我- Who am -- Who --
我是火星侯爵! I am the Marquis of Mars!
我现在向你们所有人宣战! And I declare war on all of you!
向你们宣战! War on all of you!
我们需要太阳骑士的时候他们死哪去了? Where are the Knights of the Sun when we need them most?
问得好 呃- Funny you should ask, uh...
他们都不在了! They're gone!
他们抛弃了自己的使命 They've abandoned their duties.
骨头里都写得有 I see it in the bones.
我去 好厉害的骨头 Damn, the bones nailed it.
怎么既有太空飞船 又有算命老婆子? Okay, so you have space ships and magic ladies?
那个 我没空深入了解你们 Look, I'm not gonna read all the books.
我就是想知道怎么才能化解你们的纷争 What will it take to let this Sons of the Moon fiasco resolve itself?
你是怎么成为太阳之王的? Excuse me. How did you become king of the Sun?
你看着像地球人 You look like an Earthling.
圣诞老人? Santa?
什么鬼东西? What the hell is that?
我是地球伯爵 靠 I'm the Earl of Earth, god damn it.
这一点我同意地球说的 I agree with Earth on one thing --
金星认为这位太阳之王的权威不合法 Venus questions the legitimacy of this king's authority.
金星人民表示同意 My people say I say aye
我是王 I'm the king.
权杖在我手上呢 I've got the Scepter right here.
什么鬼? What the fuck?
我知道你们都吓到了 因为权杖不在太阳上 Yeah, yeah, I know you're freaking out because it's not on the sun.
不是 是因为谁拿到权杖 谁就称霸整个太阳系! No, because whoever has it rules the solar system!
快抢啊! It's up for grabs! Get it!
冲啊! After it!
太好了 权杖是我的了 Yes, yes. I have the Scepter.
太阳系下一个黑暗时代的中心非木星莫属了 Soon Jupiter will be the center of our solar system's newest dark ages.
去你妈的 Fuck that.
水星以后就是太阳系的灯塔- Mercury will now be the shining beacon of --
咱们走着瞧吧! Time to throw it all against the wall!
你真的好棒啊 I think you crushed it.
太阳系大战可不是谁都能挑起的 I mean, not just anybody can start Solar War One.
不要无条件支持我了! Stop supporting me!
没问题 Can do.
别了 蓝天 Goodbye, blue sky
别了 Goodbye
太阳系一战 木星夺得权杖控制权
别了 Goodbye
你 你 你 你可曾见到那惊慌面庞? Did, did, did, did you see the frightened ones?
你 你 你 你可曾听到那剑拔弩张? Did, did, did, did you hear the falling bombs?
水星夺得权杖
你 你 你 你可曾想过 Did, did, did, did you ever wonder why
说好的蓝天下的美丽新世界 We had to run for shelter when the promise
为何我们流离失所家破人亡? Of a brave new world unfurled beneath a clear blue sky?
金星用新科技夺得头筹
土星对金星部署硫酸芥子气
你 你 你 你可曾见到那惊慌面庞? Did, did, did, did you see the frightened ones?
你 你 你 你可曾听到那剑拔弩张? Did, did, did, did you hear the falling bombs?
战火已经熄灭 为何伤痛延绵不绝 The flames are all long gone, but the pain lingers on
别了 蓝天 Goodbye, blue sky
别了 Goodbye
我去 没想到给这些土老帽核武器 Damn, who would have thought giving the Amish nukes
竟然威胁到整个太阳系的安危 would threaten the solar system?
我们跳到别的宇宙去怎么样? Maybe we should just jump universes.
不太行 I don't know, buddy.
感觉咱们现在最好还是不要随意换宇宙了 Feels like we're kind of more about trying out commitment now, ya know?
咱们俩一起努力想 Let's put our heads together.
说不定还有别的办法呢? Maybe there's something we haven't tried yet.
我想了个办法：操你的! Oh, here's an idea. Fuck you!
什么啊! Hey!
瑞克 我受不了了 Rick, I can't take it.
我承认我错了行吧 都怪我 I admit I'm wrong, I screwed up.
你现在让我生不如死 You're killing me here
我说什么你都唯唯诺诺 yes-and'ing me to death.
你是想人生遥控器那集再来一遍吗? What is this, "Vat of Acid" again?
对不起 肯定是我过去愧对了你 Look, man, I'm sorry I've been such a dick in the past
你现在才觉得我是想整你 that you think I'm doing a thing here.
我真的只是在努力对你好一点 I'm honestly just trying to do better by you.
你不会是机器人吧? Are you a robot?
莫蒂! Morty!
克隆人? A clone?
莫蒂 咱们家的克隆人和机器人够多了 Morty, this family's got enough clones and robots in it.
你能不能不要一直逼问了 Come on, Morty, stop asking what you're asking
咱们继续共克时艰 and let's just get back to our crisis.
对不起 瑞克 因为最近和你一起真的是太难了 I'm sorry. It's just been a hard road with you, Rick.
莫蒂 我懂你 Morty, I get that
但是你要相信 我真的在努力对你好点 but you can trust me when I say I'm just trying to do right by you.
嗯 瑞克 你说得对 Okay, Rick. You're right.
说不定… Maybe...
说不定我能集结一些骑士 maybe I just need to round up some Knights.
如果我能给他们反洗脑 If I disillusioned the old ones,
我同样能重新给他们洗脑 I'll just have to re-illusion them.
应该不难对吧? It shouldn't be that hard, right?
兄弟们 我们得重回太阳上 Cousins, we need to return to the walkway at once.
你们笑什么啊?很好笑啊? Why are you laughing? Did I say something funny?
莫达尼尔 Oh, Mortaniel.
我们现在只对黑妹贝蒂俯首称臣 The only person we bend the knee to these days is that sweet Black Betty.
美国摇滚歌手Ram Jam的歌
对的 还有枪花乐队的《布朗斯通先生》 Yeah, man, all hail Mr. Brownstone.
还有他的《感觉良好医生》 And his doctor. Feelgood, that is.
美国重金属乐队克鲁小丑乐团的歌
看来他们很是喜欢海洛因呢 They're talking about heroin, Morty. They like it.
还用你说? Obviously.
还用我说?! Obviously?!
太阳把我们的血管变成了三键碳 Apparently living on the Sun has turned our veins into triple-bonded carbon,
莫达尼尔 说了你估计不会信 so try this tale on for size, Mortaniel...
我们吸再多也不会死! we can't OD!
你们看看自己的样子 C'mon, you guys are a mess.
他们其实看着还挺开心的 莫蒂 Well, they actually seem kinda awesome, Morty.
让我继续当你们的王 Lemme be your king.
我直说吧 我本来就想拥有你们曾经的 I admit, I wanted what you once had --
兄弟情义 传统习俗 安稳生活 人生意义 brotherhood, tradition, stability, purpose.
我不过…不想为了这些剁屌而已 I just...didn't want to cut my dick off for it.
问题就出在这里 Yeah, that's the point.
我们竟然就这么开始效忠他 We were quick to follow this boy before,
而他连我们的传统都不愿意遵从 without even forcing him to commit to our traditions.
反而让我们信仰崩塌 流离失所 And all he did was break our faith and our walkway.
而这个不知哪冒出来的小毛孩 And now this random fucking guy
又回来对着我们颐指气使 is here again to tell us what to do?
滚鸡巴蛋吧! No fucking way!
如果我愿意剁屌呢? What if I cut off my dick?
剁屌不是毫无意义吗? But you'd be cutting it off for no reason.
是的 但是传统不就是这样吗? Yeah, that's the point of tradition --
做毫无意义的事 doing things for no reason,
但是为了你们 我剁屌就是有意义的啊 but it'd be reason enough doing it for you guys.
你如果愿意的话 我们也愿意戒毒 Well, you do that, that would compete with heroin.
那行 我先走开一下子哈 Cool, cool. Can I maybe get a minute?
怎么了嘛? Buddy, what's up?
是不是对自己的境遇很悲观? Reaching some sad conclusions about your situation?
是的 但是太阳需要这些骑士啊 Yes, but that walkway needs those knights,
而骑士团需要王 而这个王不能有屌 those knights need a king, and that king needs no dick.
我去 莫蒂 你进步真大 Damn, Morty, you really are stepping up.
你想让我帮你保住屌吗? Now do you want me to help you not have to cut your dick off, though?
想 求求你了 Yes, please.
那我在所不辞了 Then I got you.
你认真的吗 瑞克? Uh, you really mean it, Rick?
当然啦 Of course, buddy.
我给你一根有三重失效保护装置的屌 I'll give you a fake dick with three layers of fail-safes.
没人能看出差别 They'll never know the difference.
嘘 莫蒂 Shh, Morty.
保证如假包换 We're gonna make your dick so fake, buddy.
太阳信号!长官 太阳骑士团回归了 The signal! Sir, the Knights of the Sun are once more.
停火 Hold fire.
如果这样我们能回归从前 If this return to the Old Ways is true,
那我愿意解甲归田 I'd be willing to return home and put an end to the bloodshed.
长官 我们要不要暂缓引爆反物质氢弹? Sir? Shall we hold off on the antimatter hydrogen bombing?
这些老骑士没了权杖还能把太阳- Those crusty knights won't do the Sun much good without their --
我愿意听听他们的意见 Let's hear them out.
我是利斯多 特里夫多的儿子 I, Lithdor, son of Thrifdor
亲自监督太阳之王割掉男根 personally oversee the stumping of thy king's stem.
如果男根像真屌一样燃烧 If his stem burns true,
各大星球间将再次迎来和平 peace will be restored between the spheres.
呈上阉割工具 Present the Shears of Stumping!
-勇士莫蒂! -你可以的 王! -Morty the Brave! -You got this, my king!
第一步 请穿过这扇门 First things first. Step through this machine
是用来检测纳米全息屌的 which checks for nanotechnological hologram dicks.
啥?! What?!
战争催化了我们科技的发展和进步 War opened our eyes to the wonders of new technologies.
请吧 陛下 Please, step through, my liege.
抱歉了 陛下 还有第二台机器 Sorry, my lord, but we're gonna need you to step through this second machine,
是用来检测紧急克隆屌的 which checks for emergency clone dicks.
哇 你们怎么一下有这么多具体的新科技 Oh, wow, you guys really embraced a lot of specific new tech, huh?
哇 太阳黑子! Whoa, a sunspot!
啥?哪儿啊? What? Where?
我去 那边是第三个侦测器吗? Boy, is -- is that a third detector I see, as well?
先过了第二个再说 You'll find out after the second one.
我们一般等到通过前一个测试后 We don't like to reveal them until the previous
才揭晓下一个 detecting threshold has been crossed.
好吧 Right.
第三个侦测器是用来侦测阴茎假体的 The third detector is going to scan for a prosthetic dick.
哦 哈哈 好的 Oh. Ha ha. Good.
那好 咱们继续吧 Okay, well, go on through
我口中的"假体" and, of course, by "prosthetic"
说的是巫术屌 we mean witchcraft dick.
-靠 -操 -Shit. -Fuck
我感知到了 I sense one.
骨头说他胯下还没空 The bones say he's still packin'.
哈哈 真的是骗不过鸡骨老婆子哈 Ha ha, can't get nothin' past the chicken bone lady.
我是在试她啦 J-Just testing her.
剁下你的男根 Stump. Thy. Stem.
莫蒂?莫蒂 不要用声音回答我 Morty? Morty, don't answer out loud.
你能听到我说话吗? Can you hear me?
我是瑞克 在用意念和你沟通 It's Rick. I'm talking to you with my mind.
听得到 Yeah, I can hear you.
不要用声音回答我 You said that out loud. Don't speak.
对不起 Sorry.
我上载了一颗心灵感应纳米卫星 I uplinked a telepathic nano satellite
好让你我能用意念沟通 so we could hear each other's thoughts.
现在听我的指示一步一步行事 Carefully do everything I tell you in the exact order I tell you to do it.
嗯 Okay.
接过剪刀 Grab the scissors.
嗯 接过来了 Okay. Got the scissors.
然后… Now...
快跑! ...run!
我靠 我靠 Oh, shit, shit!
卫兵 抓住他们! Guards, seize them!
跑?你怎么不直接说啊?! Run? You couldn't have just said that?!
你不需要用心电感应了 You don't have to use telepathy anymore.
可以直接张口反问我 You can just ask your rhetorical questions out loud.
瑞克 我不明白 I don't understand, Rick.
那我跟你说个你明白的 Here's something that's easy to understand, buddy --
你这么努力收拾自己的烂摊子 我真为你感到自豪 I'm proud of you for trying to solve your own shit.
接下来这一步真的是迫不得已 Ugh, I didn't want to have to do this.
没关系的 我们毕竟走投无路了 It's okay this time. We don't have any choice.
我爱你 瑞克 I love you, Rick.
我也爱你 哥儿们 Love you, too, buddy.
瑞克和太阳之王莫蒂就这样 And that's when King Morty and Rick
走投无路之际跳入了太阳 were left with no choice but to leap into the Sun.
他因为扰乱了我们的社会秩序 于心有愧 Such shame he felt for what he'd done to our society,
觉得剁屌还不够- sacrificing his dick wasn't enough --
他牺牲了自己和男巫仆人的生命 He gave his entire body and wizard servant, as well.
不久后 他们的防岩浆骨头飘了上来 And after a while, their sun-proof bones floated up to the top.
我们还用皇家大勺检验了一下 We even checked with a royal ladle
确保是真的太阳岩浆 to ensure it was real sun,
而不是假的装满太阳岩浆的池子 not just them hiding beneath in a vat of fake sun.
死得太惨了 Such a violent death.
我们悲痛不已 And finally when our grief could bear no more,
最终决定抛弃剁屌的习俗 we decided to abolish our medieval act of stem stumping.
所以说还得感谢熔岩帝莫蒂 And we have King Morty the Molten to thank for that.
熔岩莫蒂! Morty the Molten!
熔岩帝莫蒂! King Morty the Molten!
你看吧 这次又成功了 See, Morty? Worked like a charm.
那我们岂不是冒着被发现的风险回来? Aren't we risking it all coming back here?
莫蒂 不回来怎么知道呢 Morty, we had to know.
并且这里的高温对关节有益 Plus the heat -- It's good for my joints.
莫达尼尔王?! King Mortaniel?!
你还活着?! You're alive?!
你要是敢告诉别人 Yeah, go tell everybody.
就等着继续被剁屌吧 Your reward's gonna be cutting off your own dick.
对哦 有道理 Right. Point taken.
安息吧 拜拜啦 R.I.P. and cheerio.
不要走开 后面还有
一个烧烤 一个刺身 One crispy, one wriggling.
马上就好 Coming right up.
三分钟就好 Three loozums.
你觉得十年- How 'bout ten years?
刑期刑不刑? In jail.
啊? Huh?
特工蒙哥·邦哥 Special Agent Mongo Bongo.
你因非法贩运热狗而被捕 You're under arrest for illegal hot dog trafficking.
小宝宝们 你们自由了 Be free, my little babies.
放生竟然这么顺利 Surprised they actually made it.
还以为会出现几只鸟把它们全给- Kinda thought maybe some birds would swoop down --
我真是乌鸦嘴! I jinxed it!
你看懂了吗? Did you get any of that?
纪念制片麦克·孟德尔